It was noon on a Tuesday. He hadn’t smoked weed since the weekend, so he wasn’t high. And he generally didn’t hallucinate, so he didn’t think he was psychotic. He looked around his dorm room and focused on a pile of clean clothes that had been sitting in his laundry basket for a couple of days.“Would you mind folding those clothes?”The elderly man walked over to the pile, picked up a wrinkled blue t-shirt, and carefully folded it.“Jesus,” Mark said. “Are you a genie or a maid?”The elderly man looked back quietly.Mark seemed confused. “How come you’re not saying anything?” Mark was 21, and with his shaggy brown hair and freckles, he looked a bit younger. Aside from his sarcasm and impatience, he was an appealing if nondescript young man. “Cat got your fucking tongue?”“If you ask me to ‘fold the clothes,’ I might try to do so. If you say, ‘I wish for all the clothes to get folded,’ and we then confirm that such is your actual wish, you’ll get a response.”“Ok, Genie, I wish for all. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away.Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's.
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