.. I need your help. Don't stop loving me; God I would die!" Even with that she did not look up. She was bent over, her hands clasping at her stomach like she had cramps. She was looking down at the floor—or had her eyes closed. "I guess it started after I lost the baby."She started the first of her heart rending crying jags after saying that. When she had recovered somewhat, she continued, "It wasn't only the loss of something that was a part of me, of us, but that we would never be able to have children. I know it bothered you, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I threw myself into my work ... and I know I didn't give you the time you wanted and needed from me. I was doing a lot of surgeries, even volunteering to cover for other doctors whenever that came up."I was having trouble staying as alert as I needed to be when doing an operation, so I got a prescription for amphetamines from my doctor. She renewed it once but wouldn't do it again. She said it was too dangerous. I didn't. " "Feel old yet?" I laughed. It was my birthday weekend, and I finally was twenty-one. I took a second, and came back with, "I feel old every day, between Ryleigh and you, I will be starting to get gray hair in the next year." "Ouch. I agree with Ryleigh, but me?" We took our seats on the plane, and settled in hand in hand. I looked out the window, before I turned to him. Looking into his eyes I said, "Yes, you have your moments." "Fair enough... so changing topics, you know Vegas is the marriage capital of America, right?" "I didn't know it was called that, no. Got something up your sleeve?" "No, in my pocket." "Joel, we've been over this," I said sternly. I had previously made it clear, I had no desire to get remarried. "I know, with time. I am not going to push you, but hope you come around to the idea. "I'll keep an open mind. Right now, I'd like to rest, wake me up when we land." "Will do." I leaned on his shoulder, and covered up with my blanket. Joel wrapped his arm around me..
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