I couldn't tell her of my despair to her face. I left my letter on Ada's pillow. I packed a bag and told Pearl that I would be back in a week. One of my fishing buddies had a 26' fishing boat so I woke him up and asked if I could borrow it for a week.I drove to the marina and pulled out into the Columbia, figuring I'd mostly float down to Astoria and motor back up the river. I'd do a little fishing and try to figure out what had happened to my life.As I quietly floated down the river, maintaining just enough power to steer, I tried to make sense of it all. I watched the lights from the houses along the river as I went by... at first they were twinkling... then twinkling off, becoming as dark as my soul.ENDINGS... AND BEGINNINGS"'Hope' is the thing with feathers—That perches in the soul—"Emily DickinsonThe light from the hallway made me aware of my surroundings. I must have been awake for fifteen minutes or so when the nurse came in to check on me. I hadn't been thinking or anything —. ." She swallowed another sob. "I pushed her away from me, not because she'd killed that man, but because I didn't feel worthy of her. She was a genius, Dad. She was a better architect than Angela, a better salesman and marketer than Stan, a better poker player than world champion poker players on TV. She was better than anyone at everything she did. It was freakish. She was a freak of nature! Five months ago, she had the intellect of a six-year-old, and then lightning struck her and made her a genius. Her freakishness frightened me. Oh, that she could kill and did kill pushed me away, too, but she was just protecting me, saving my life. I could have..." She sobbed again, but quickly regained control. "I could have handled her violence; I figured she'd be violent only when she had to to protect herself or someone she cared about. Hell, Dad, that's normal, one of the only normal things about her. That she could stop that man, a large man with a knife, that wasn't normal." She buried her.
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