I curled up in a ball as I sobbed. I felt my breasts against my knees,the lack of a penis between my thighs. That I was a veteran warrior whowas bawling like a child only drove home my despair. I didn't even knowwhat I looked like, only that my body was completely alien andincredibly vulnerable. I was a freak of nature now more than ever, and Iknew everyone who saw me would know I'd been a man. I consideredgrabbing my knife and ending it all.Whether from sheer willpower or lack thereof, I didn't go through withit. I didn't even move for a long, long time. I lay there, naked andfetal, as the tears dried up, as the crying subsided, as the shiversslowed and I eventually remembered how to think straight. I'm not surehow long it took, but the first rays of dawn had started streaming inwhen I finally unfolded myself.As I did so, terror and hopelessness gave way to a deadly, emotionlesscalm. Had I been less exhausted I might have felt satisfaction, as thatcalm was familiar. It had seen me. We went in to this back street pub and it was dark and gloomy but it was full to the brim. my mate had a few but decided to go back to the hotel he was shattered he said but i stayed out with Joe and we were having some good crack. the time was about 2 now and i was feeling it, i told Joe i had had enough and i was going, he said he would walk me back as it was a bit dodgy about this time of night.we were at my hotel and Joe said his friend worked here and was on tonight, he walked to reception and asked for Terry his mate, Terry came down and they were hugging like brothers, Joe said this is Pete he is stopping here look after him mate he's a top bloke.Terry said what room you in Pete and i will bring you your breakfast with extras, i told him i was in room 201. sound he said i will do that for you, Joe shook my hand and said see you. cheers Joe see you again. i went to my room and called it a night, my head didn't hit pillow and i was asleep but just before i was out i heard my door.
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