." Open and shut?" One you can't refute, argue against, and if you try to say you're innocent the magistrates are also going to consider you to be a liar and untrustworthy." So?" They'll consider sending you to the Crown Court where there will be a trial by jury. They won't believe you and the judge is liable to add extra time for your wasting the court's time and lying under oath." Oaf?" You are going to be required to swear on the Bible that you will tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth." Yeah, well I don't believe in God so that's it, ennit?" No, Marty. In that case, they'll require you to make a solemn affirmation." Whossat mean?" Much the same. You have to tell the truth and if you're believed to be lying you'll be in even bigger trouble." Shit!" Yes, Marty, deep shit." OK, so you want me to plead guilty to everything." Yes. However before you're sentenced you will be asked whether you have anything to say." Like what?" That if you hadn't been high on drugs. Jenny was in the bath. There was a note on the table. It said myforfeit was "To thank me for "pimping your ride" and to promise not tochange anything."Jenny came down the stairs in her bathrobe. I asked her what she haddone to my car and where it was?"First, let's have another bet. Your car is a symbol of your masculinityright? Do you think it would be possible to feminise your Ford Fiesta?"How was it possible to feminise a car?"No," I replied confidently."Ok if when you get to the garage you think I haven't succeeded infeminising your car I will dress up as a maid like you asked for the nextmonth. If however you agree I have succeeded you must wear black silkypanties and a garterbelt with fishnet stockings to work and when you areat home you must wear court shoes with a 6 inch heel too for the nextmonth. Is that a bet?" You're on."I rushed to the garage.Oh mummy!My pride and joy had been painted pink and had had "extended eyelashes"fitted around the headlights. Not only.
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