That’s what made it the hardest. All I could do was pretend that I was Samantha Grail from school. She’s a real bitch. She treats everyone the same - badly. Even the teachers avoid her. I wonder if she’s one of those kids that Kathy talked about. One of the ones that abuse other kids and blackmails teachers. I wouldn’t know now for at least a week, while my family trained.My poor dad put up with so much more than I could have. I knew I had to be as hard as I could, be as nasty as I could, just to be half as bad as I imagine the bad people will be. My mom took everything much better than my dad. He’s just so sensitive. So many times I wanted to stop in the middle and crawl into a hole and cry. But then mom could be lost. I had to Marshall my strength and pretend that the abuses I was heaping on my parents would be enough to prepare them for what’s surely coming. We all need to get tougher than we are. Maybe except mom. She’s tougher than I ever gave her credit for. She took a caning. I wasn’t allowed to get up until I had actually gone to the bathroom.“We had little playrooms ... Well, I guess that is what they were called. They were filled with little blocks for us to play with. It seemed like every time I was allowed to play there were different kids there. It was years later that I discovered that not allowing close friendships to arise was part of our social conditioning. We were raised to distrust strong emotional ties among people.“When we were handed our little-child portions of food, the person in charge would tell us to thank the state for all it was doing for us. Those were just words without meaning to us. We didn’t even know what a state was, much less why we were supposed to thank it. In time, I began to realize that the state was some kind of amorphous thing that controlled every aspect of our life. It was a god who failed to grant us freewill.“We slept in long rooms filled with fifty beds that closely resembled the coffins of public housing except.
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