These can scale from almost unnoticeable slight pauses to severe stuttering to jumbled sentence structure to absolute muteness. I run the entire spectrum though absolute muteness is somewhat rare with me. Now there are soft transitions where the speaker may feel a slight pressure before or as or after the transition occur. Then there are hard transitions that are very painful. Transitions being neurological in nature can also trigger panic attacks like PTSD. For me, the panic attacks are a problem. Panic attacks trigger the fight or flight response. When I’m afraid of something I kill it. If it’s dead it can’t hurt me. So during a panic attack anything I interpret as aggressive is a direct and immediate threat to my survival. I am a trained fighter. I never had these attacks before my illness.One day my wife raised her voice to me in an angry tone when my back was turned and startled me. I almost attacked her. In over twenty years of marriage I have NEVER raised my hand to her. That. Her birthday. I wished her and it was the beginning of some of the most beautiful days of my life. We started chatting slowly.We were happy to share a ton of similarities. As the days went by we became more glued. For the first time ever in my life, I was feeling like a girl really likes to talk with me. Almost a year passed and I was literally a loser for I did not have the balls to propose her.She, on the other hand, became possessive of me, literally not even allowing me to see film heroines. She would say that I should not talk to any women other than her. These words were a breeze to my deserted heart which has never even imagined a girl speaking these words.One day she called me suddenly. She said to me that her childhood friend had proposed her and she said yes. It was thunder on my head. I was literally broken. Even then she was possessive and said that I should only be talking to her and not any other girl. I decided that I cannot withstand this relationship.I can’t be.
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