He had been absolved but the message was burned upon his consciousness. He could not remember much else about that day. He did not touch himself again, but the harder he tried not to think about her in that way the more relentlessly the thoughts came to him. He prayed to the rosary every night and focused all his energy upon suppressing the wicked images in his mind. Each time he felt tempted he forced himself to recite the prayers instead. His dreams were plagued by thoughts of her over the next year and a half. Eighteen months whose nights were long, joyless eternities for a hormonally driven adolescent. Finally one night the urge was too strong and rather than ignore it he yielded to it. Intense emotions gripped him as his body surrendered to his hand and he quietly brought himself to climax. And it had felt good. So good in fact that the guilt didn’t affect him like he had expected it would. He did not confess his sin that week, or the week after. His critical attitude toward the. ” I feared if she had read the comment written on its back side – SEX IN DISGUISE. Oh! I so much want to fuck you MOM. “Return it after you’re done and show me what you come out with.” Well I did come out with the sketch during whose preparation I felt horny throughout. I also returned its courtesy – the photo with the writings erased (with a spirit as it was written with a marker pen) from its back.I’ve certain perversion toward the things she wear especially the undergarments – panty and bra. When I find them in the bath left for cleaning or outdoor in the sun for dying, I get turned on. At times I’d wear them or ejaculate on them, smell them or chew them. It’s wild but I do it. She lacks the fashion-sense when she need to go outside with her friends (some of them used to visit us and were really motivating). Once on her birthday one of her friends gifted her an outfit which she specially had thought on her. Mom appreciated it because it was from her friend, although she doesn’t.
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