And in this PC era, would the NAACP allow me to give African-American boys and girls lumps of coal, naughty or not?" Hmmm. You have a point there. But why are you here now? Don't those elves need you at the North Pole?" Oh, I just show up from time to time, when there's a real emergency. Mrs. Claus is usually in charge of day-to-day operations. It doesn't take 365 days a year to bake all the gingerbread cookies and candy canes the world needs, you know. And right now, you need me more than anyone else in the world." Why? I was just worried about how my twin sister got all the good breaks in life, and I'm just a tall, awkward, gawky, broke, lonely loser, and I -" John broke down and resumed crying."Don't worry, John. You've been extra-good this year, and I've got a special present for you. I can't tell you now; that would spoil the surprise! But just wait, and I tell you, it'll be worth it."John sniffled and wiped the frozen tears from his face. "You - you mean it, Santa?". She really thinks about us and puts herself last every time. Good old Clemmy, that's what I say!"There was a murmur of agreement from all the assorted murderesses and they all settled down to watch their beautiful leader get a really good whipping. Two guards stood behind her one on either side and alternately lashed that much abused back until the blood ran all down it once again. Everyone agreed that she took the hundred and fifty splendidly and without a murmur, not fainting once. Just like the Clemmy of old!"How was it, sweetheart?" asked Alexia as she licked her lover's wounds later that night."You do ask the stupidest questions, Alexia! I'll never get to enjoy pain like two people I know, one very dear to me and another one not dear to me at all! If I could this place might not be such total hell on earth. But after all this time, I can take it and survive and that's all that matters. I wonder how many more I'll get before I get out of here. I don't really want to think about.
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