"Allow me to get the door," he said, rushing over to let me out.Standing next to him, I smelt the leather from his uniform belt andshoes and noticed his strong build in his starched shirt. I smiledinstinctively and glanced down at his crotch. I could feel the chargebetween us as I step past him out the door. Three steps to the sidewalk,I turned to see that he was indeed copping a look at my butt, and Igrinned approvingly.I definitely loved men looking at me. I thought back to my pre-Zhanglife and realized, like Suzi had said, that I was, really, a naturalflirt, and being noticed for my looks. Still, I couldn't get it out ofmy head that I was being hypnotized, and I couldn't help but wonder theextent to which that was affecting me."I never had a body like this before," I said to myself, "and I stillloved it when I dressed up and men looked at me."I'd never felt this turned on sexually, though, I thought. I wonderedthe role on hypnosis but remembered Zhang's warning that the. “But for Dave, it’s different I guess. Sometimes he gets to play, like now there’s a girl called Veronica who’s really into him. But mostly he gets off on knowing and watching me with guys who he thinks of as more masculine and virile than him.”Standing in the darkened room watching and listening as my own wife clinically dissected my strange addiction and happily discussed it with her ex-boyfriend felt like the biggest, most painful emotional betrayal. Even if I’d stooped to the low point of sharing Jill physically with other guys, the emotional betrayal of her talking about me like this felt like blades surging through my stomach up towards my chest. My whole body seemed on fire with energy and pain, feeling the biggest possible shame that I was enjoying the masochistic thrill of the pain I was feeling. It literally felt like a buzz was passing through my whole body, the pain and hurt deep and troubling but somehow pleasurable at the same time.Chris chuckled, which just added an.
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