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. us ... every week."I gently held her hand, careful not to dislodge any of the needles inher arm carrying painkillers and other drugs to her shattered body."Mom, you aren't going to die ... you're gonna make it. Just rest and letthe doctors do their jobs."The nurse turned away from the hospital bed as she changed one of themany IV's. I could see her face but Mom couldn't. The look in her eyestold me that she knew I was lying. Mom knew it too."No Alex ... promise me ... it's important." But Mom ..." Promise!" she pleaded.What could I say? The nurse's frown clearly communicated her thoughts."Promise, you prick! Give her what she wants!" Sure, Mom. Whatever you want." I mean it ... mine and Terry's." You'll be right next to each other, Mom." Really promise." Absolutely. I promise. Every week."She gave my hand a faint squeeze and then relaxed. "Thank you, Alex.You're a good son," she mumbled as the morphine in the new IV kicked in.That was two months ago. The guilt had finally built up. Of course, until I was ten years old,I never realized that she desperately wanted a girl. By the time Iturned 12, she would dress me in a training bra to wear under my blouse.She named me Alexis at my birth, but everyone called me Al, at leastduring Grade School and then during Junior High school, when she starteddressing me as a school GIRL! And then I was called Alexis! During mymore formative years, she had my hair grow longer (as was the style foryoung boys in those days), kept my finger nails long, shaped, and painteda pale pink color...at least until I was 14 years old, then she startedpainting them bright pink, red and sometimes gold.After I turned 15, and started Junior High School, she enrolled me as afemale, dressed me as such, and told me to never reveal my actual gender.The way she put it, this was our secret, and I was never to tell anybodythat I was a boy. Now, my mother was not wealthy, but did have a nicemonthly income after her parents were killed in an automobile.
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