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.. the way I felt about her. But I couldn't help it. Why couldn't she have been like everyone else... afraid of me, disdainful of me? Why did she have to keep thinking there was something special in me? Why did she have to make me feel like I was worth something? It only made it harder when I realised I wasn't – when I did stupid shit like this. I kicked at an empty can on the sidewalk, sending it skittering over the pavement.I shoved my hands deep in the pockets of my hoodie, my body aching. Why couldn't I just be normal? Why couldn't I stop doing these things? These things that hurt Carly, and hurt me. Why did I have to push everyone away?I stop, realising I'm outside my building. I head up wearily, trudging up the flights of stairs. I pause when I reach my door. I always have to psyche myself up before I go in, because every time I enter, something bad happens. And I'm so tired of all this bullshit. I just wanna go to sleep and forget.I open the door, slipping inside. Mom's passed. I walked into the crew area before the flight and saw this absolutelygorgeous woman talking to one of the other crew. She was about 5'11 tall,very slim, long black hair and beautiful legs. I was totally astounded byher beauty. I was soon introduced to her and it transpired that she and Iwould be working the first class area together. We chatted for a while andflirted a little before the flight. I think by then she had realised thatI was gay and that I wanted her so badly.All too soon we boarded the plane and began to get ready for the passenger,Jennifer guiding me on what I should be doing and what she expected of meonce we were airborne. All the time I was admiring her beauty and hopingshe would make a play for me. Then it was time for the passengers to boardand be seated ready for take off. Once everything was sorted and westarted to taxi onto the runway Jennifer told me to go and take my seatready for takeoff. I sat down and fastened my seatbelt in preparation andsoon she.
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