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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.41. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.42. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.43. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.44. God must love stupid people. He made SO many.45. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!46. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.47. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.48. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.49. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.50. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.51. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.52. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.53. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.54. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.55. You do not need a. Besides, you can’t come to rescue Tricia in a borrowed suit. It’s tacky.”********Relaxing on a Saturday morning with no papers to correct, Jim Curtin, S.E.X.I chemistry professor thought, Ahh.The only thing he had to concentrate on was the coffee he’d just made, some really great Jamaica Blue Mountain from an adoring student, and a whole day of just watching baseball. And of course, the faculty barbecue tonight. Typically, his cell phone chimed. He picked it up and looked at the number. It wasn’t anyone he knew. He was ready to let the call go to voice mail when he decided answering it wouldn’t really get in the way of his day. He was wrong.“James Curtin?” a woman’s voice asked.“It’s Jim, really, and who is this?” “Melanie Wilkes. Are you busy? I need a favor from a friend.”Jim straightened up right away. His afternoon of baseball looked like it was going to be called for rain. “Dean, how are you?” The Assistant Dean of Admissions knew the old MAD fraternity crisis.
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