What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking of me at all. If he even cares about me to begin with? Etc, etc, etc. Insert standard sadness shit here, blah... As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it being in between meaningless sex. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in my life but Jesus Fucking Christ, it sucks. I want my happy ending too, dammit. I want kids and a loving husband. A family to come home to that will be excited to see me with hugs, kisses and I love you's. I want. Each of them will have to pay for their own fuel usage and to refill the car when they use it. The other matter they discuss is Mack.The government had paid them to feed and house Mack while he was legally a ward of the state, but that ended when he turned eighteen a couple of months back. He’s been paying them board of the same amount since then. With Jess and Ann in the area they think he should be living with them, despite him saying he’ll stay with them until he finishes high school. So John and Helen have been checking to see if they can manage without Mack’s board so he can live with his ladies. Helen is amused by the situation and John isn’t sure what to make of it. They talk about what they’ll do if Mack leaves and what to do if he stays to live with them.When the kids arrive back Helen takes Mack aside and says, “Mack, I think you should establish your house with Ann and Jess now instead of in two years’ time. John and I have studied our situation and we’ll be able to manage.
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