I think they were happy to get rid of me, my black hair, and my utter silence. That summer I let my hair grow back. I started playing tennis again, got back into shape. I let the black dye grow out and away. I kept to myself, but I had the comfort of knowing no one in Tenn could know, or could ever know. It was a blanket of security, and under that blanket I started healing in a way. When I came back home in late August I was more prepared to deal with whatever would come to light. I was still terrified that first month of my senior year. I got to Homecoming still waiting for some prank, some picture to go viral. I was waiting for people to start pointing at me, laughing. I waited…….but nothing came. THEY were gone, and more importantly THEY kept their word. After Christmas I started being social again. My hair was fully blond again, I missed tennis season, but stayed in shape regardless. I started seeing a guy from the tennis club, but I still could not let. Was my first boyfriend…the first man with whom I got infatuated. True, he never took advantage of me…and true, he never promised me anything in the longer terms – I guess, my future plans were just castles I built in thin air. If anything, N. had been completely honest with me…and I really appreciated that. Even though, there would not be a future for us, he was the one I wanted my first time to be with. There was no point to get away from each other before we really had to. Let’s make hay while the sun shines…I spoke to him about my intentions…he was of course elated – but being the perfect gentleman, he told me that I didn’t need to if I didn’t want to. I told him that I wanted my first time to be special…and I couldn’t think of anyone else but him to make it special for me. I guess this inflated his male ego and he agreed to be the first man to fuck me properly.And boy!! Did he make it special!!It took him a couple of days…but he got everything organised. He obtained a nice.
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