Then I have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.”“Oh, Fred, you surely must be in heaven.”“Not exactly, I’m a rabbit on a golf course in Des Moines, Iowa.”Lexus LS400A woman bought a new Lexus LS 400. She returned it to the dealer the next day, complaining that she couldn’t figure out how the radio worked. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.“Watch this!” he said... “Nelson!”The radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?”“Willie!” he continued, and “On The Road Again” came from the speakers.The woman drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time she’d say, “Beethoven”, she’d get beautiful classical music, and if she said, “Beatles!” she’d get one of their awesome songs.One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed her new car, but she swerved in time to avoid them.“ASSHOLES!” she yelled... The French National Anthem began to play.Subject: Low oil?Now why didn’t I think of this before now?????A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to. He’d want me to cook and clean for him and never graduate, never learn more than kitchen, domestic stuff, while he beats me black and blue and I turn to drinking or drugs to take that off my mind. But, yet, informal schooling’s going to be nice at your hands. Granted, I’ll miss out on homecoming, prom, etc., but fuck that if I can be with you for life! I’m in love with you, David Lee Roth Howard! I also love that you’re named after a rock star!” Denise almost did cartwheels at the idea that her new man wanted to tutor her in math, science, and whatever else he could, rather than leave her ignorant of such stuff.“Alright, you two lovebirds, why don’t you pack some more while I set up the ice cream machine? I have a sudden desire to make homemade ice cream for my niece before I lose her and my husband for good. We’ll have some ice cream with some Bailey’s, all three of us, and then we’ll resume packing for a while. I think that you’re old enough for some Irish cream with your ice.
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