He wanted to hear her voice calling him to breakfast as he had heard it each day in those best of times.Leaving the kitchen he walks down the hall to aunt Ellie's room. Through the open door he can see the unmade bed bare of any sheets or covers. Otherwise the room is as neat and orderly as he remembered. Her den and sitting room looked like she had just left to go to the kitchen for a glass of sweet tea. The only changes, other than newer furniture, were the pictures of him on the walls and tables. These included pictures of him when he graduated from Penn, one in his baseball uniform, he and Vickie from their wedding and other pictures of Vickie and Rain and Jed. Jamie crossed the bedroom and opened the closet and pausing for a moment buried his face in the scent still present on the dresses and blouses before emitting a muffled cry of pain for the lost years.Before going to his old room he opened the door to the porch and looked out at the yard rolling down to the river. The cast. A reminder of all the damage I'd done to him. God, I just wanted theold him back. Could we live this way without the device? Probably. Butcould I live with myself? Never. Every time he smiled, I'd be reminded ofwhat I'd done."Baby?" he whispered."Huh?" I snapped back to attention."You're squishing me." Oh," I said, relaxing my grip. "Sorry."Evan gave me a little squeeze back.I tried not to think about it too hard. In a way I envied all those realityblind people we had left in our wake the past few days, unaware of howmuchmore complicated their lives now were. I'd have given anything for thatright now, to just be able to forget and enjoy the moment.We lay there together, hearts beating in time to the music, for what seemedlike forever, but I just couldn't relax. The anxiety building up within mewas too much. How long would this take? How much chaos could be going ondownstairs right now?The sounds of fucking in the next room eventually slowed but never seemedto stop. I squirmed.
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