Take walks every day, but make sure you don’t exercise too hard.”The man says, “Will that give me longer to live?”The doc replies, “No, but it’ll certainly seem longer.”“My missus dumped me ‘cos she says I’m too obsessed with football,” said the first fella.“How long have you been with her?” asked the second fella.“Six seasons.”A young Scotsman leaves home and moves to New York. After six months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. “Horrible,” he says. “They’re always yelling and screaming. I hate how they constantly pound on the walls and stomp the floors.”“How do you get by?” she asks.“I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes,” says the Scot.A man is on trial for cannibalism. He proclaims to the judge, “Well, your honor, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man.”I rang work and said, “I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.”The boss replied, “You have a wee cough?”I said, “Wow, thanks boss, see you next Wednesday!”A fly is minding his own. “Why tomorrow?”“I think it is some damned saint’s day. The villagers are so brain washed they’ll follow if he gives them some reason.”“Are there any firearms here?” asked Jake. “Apart from the pistol you greeted me with.”“Well, there’s a pair of those, and a fowling piece, ten gauge I think. A small amount of powder and shot. You’ve that old revolver I suppose. Oh, and the derringer, Anna told me about that.”“I’m surprised she remembered in the circumstances,” Jake replied with a grin. “I’ve a new .38 revolver and some spare ammunition. So that doesn’t amount to much does it?”“It doesn’t.”“Where are the family?”“In their rooms at the moment, I think,” said Mary. “Some sort of supper will have to be prepared. Mrs Mainwaring is completely out of it, and Eugenie isn’t much use. So I’ll have to find something. Care to help?”“Do what I can,” said Jake. “My mother made sure that I could take care of myself, we didn’t have servants.”They sat silently for a few minutes, both deep in.
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