Some of them walk out with the intention of never returning, but most of them don't, and the ones that do - always reappear eventually. I suppose they are intrigued by the prospect of beating me before furiously stabbing their manhood inside my body and it brings them crawling back with acceptence of what I want to be done. Even if it sickens them to do some of the acts that I wish.Sometimes I get curious to know what makes them so enticed by wrapping their hands around my throat as they penetrate me, to find what distinguishes these men from those who aren't so....differnet. But, just as the interest springs forth, it quickly dissipates by the lack of desire to know anything beyond the physical strength and endurance that they possess.I've developed a checklist for each of the men I take to bed. A strict set of standards that have become sacred and imperative in order to maintain my self-imposed "lessons." Each partner must have the physical power to bring about the most pain, and. Even in my daydreams, which largely featured a handsome prince who saw me completely differently to how I really am, more time was spent waiting and dreaming of him in those solitary imaginings than I did actually with him in them. I believe that was prophetic, leading into (or perhaps from?) pathetic. When it comes to sex, with two startling exceptions, all of that has been on my own too – life has been a relatively boring and pretty much totally sex-free event for me. Which princess sang, “One day my prince will come”? Whichever, one day, I hope my prince will cum too. I never saw a nudie magazine until I was 16, and one of the lads brought one into art class. I never got a chance to look at it, as the (rumoured to be) lesbian teacher swooped down, and stood there flicking through it, saying things like “Mmmmm, she’s a healthy girl… Oooo, full frontal… How beautiful the human form is, I would love to paint her bits, that’s rather lovely…” as the lads cringed in embarrassment and I.
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