I shrugged at her.Then she asked me where Bec was and I ignored her. So she went off and went into my room.A bit later she walked out, holding Bec by the hand. Bec followed along like a sheep. She led Bec right up to a chair next to me and told her to sit down. Then she pressed gently on Bec’s shoulders. Bec sat down and stared down at the table top.Nurse Cassandra smiled at her and said, “You sit right there and one of the nurses will bring your breakfast.”Then she turned to me and smiled and she said, “Bec’s a little bit spaced out right now. It happens sometimes. Be patient for a while and she’ll come back to life. In the meantime, she’s not going to talk much. You may need to help her to get started with her breakfast.”I looked down at the table and felt stupid because I’d assumed Bec was deliberately ignoring me. I’d gotten angry and everything and all because of nothing. I’m such a loser, sometimes.Nurse Cassandra smiled at us again and went off to another table. I never. I could almostfeel the jigsaw pieces in my head slotting into place, very dark thoughts wereswimming round my brain and my hand slipped between my legs in response tothe delightful sensations there. I got so excited that I had to frig myselfoff there in a cubicle of a back street pub in a dodgy part of the city. I spent the next 6 months constantly re-reading the stories and imaginingmyself in the dominant role, I no longer fantasized about just being I bedwith the Angela; now I wanted her tied and helpless and unable to stop me doingwhatever I wanted. Gradually, what had started out as a nice fantasy to helpme get to sleep became a very dominant thought, I really wanted to do this.At some point over those six months the fantasy crystallised into a definiteplan. I knew I would have no trouble getting into her house, I had made a falteringattempt at making a pass at her once (well, I'd gone over to see her on someflimsy pretext and hope she'd make a pass at me), and still popped in.
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