Why was I putting myself through all this? It was as if I had no choice: my desires got the better of my resolution. I felt like a slave to my lust. What was I afraid of, that I would enjoy it? Why would that be bad? Maybe it was because I feared that it would be impossible to resist continuing, but why would that be a bad thing? Why I still experienced these inhibitions I cannot say, but I knew I could force myself to get there, and once there, I would relax, which I did. How could I do this? How could I agree to have sex with not just a man, but a man I hadn’t even met, like some cheap hooker? I used to wonder how women did it and why they did it. Yet here I was, about to do precisely that. I felt enormously conflicted, both driven to see it through, and wanting to run home to safety. The closer I got to his hotel, the more nervous I got. I wanted to turn around. I almost chickened out. Almost. Scared or not, I expected to like it once I arrived. Once there, I felt okay, and. I remember the blond hair on his arms was thick like fur, but almost invisible.When Weinstein made his declaration that resulted in my nickname and reputation, I was a rather unremarkable junior high kid. I'd turned 12 over the summer and hadn't started my growth spurt yet. Yeah, yeah, my schlong was massive, but other than that I was a typical seventh grader. I doubt I was 85 pounds soaking wet and hadn't come close to five feet yet. There was one kid in our class who could probably have played lineman on the freshman high school team; he's the one you'd expect to be over-developed. His equipment looked like he'd been on steroids for years. The point I'm making is that my size came as a surprise to all who saw it.It was kind of a backwards surprise to me, as well. Until I got into an environment where other kids my age were baring their all, I assumed there wasn't anything special about me. I was the size I was; no big deal.I'd been playing with myself since late in the fourth.
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