When the girls returned with the pup, I played with her for a bit, and taught the twins how to housebreak her. It was going to be their responsibility. If they saw her heading behind the furniture or looking for a place to squat, grab her and get her outside. If you catch her too late, rub her nose in it and swat her with a newspaper. Praise her when she goes outside. All the standard stuff that people having been doing for millennia to housebreak dogs. “Most importantly, don’t listen to your mother about what to do; she thinks Stormy can speak English and will understand without rubbing her nose in it or smacking her.”“I heard that!” came from the kitchen. That just made us speak a little more quietly.It’s not hard to housebreak a dog. It just requires some patience and vigilance. I remember hearing somewhere that the bigger the dog the easier it is to housebreak them. I have no idea if that was true or just an old wives’ tale, but if so, I expected Stormy to be incredibly easy to. I descend to one of the inner rings, and there across from city hall is a glitzy establishment announcing itself as Bert’s Body Emporium. I scratch my head. Ten years ago when I left, Bert had just set up his body shop. He had been one of my crew during the ill-fated pirate episode. It comes back to me that I had loaned him a few bucks to get him started.When I enter the emporium I am approached by a snooty sales person. Her nose held so high up in the air that I can almost see in it. Not a pleasant sight. I ask to see Bert.“Do you have an appointment?” she asks. “Monsieur Bert only receives by appointment.”“No, I don’t…”“Well Ms. Then you cannot see him”Using my voice of command, which carries across a parade square I tell her, “Get that miserable piece of shit out here now.”“Certainly not,” she answers. “Who are yo…”Her comment ends abruptly as I lift her up, anticipating with joy and launching her against the far wall.I pause as a guy who is dressed in gold lame skin suit prances.
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