A time when she gave me Aubrey’s Brief Lives and I gave her the Tin Drum, and we chanted the Latin poems of Winnie ille Pu together. Jazz and poetry in a basement one day, Chinese ceramics in a gallery the next. There came a time (I still feel sick as I remember it) when I waited in the coffee bar on City Square and had our table to myself, day after day. A time when I phoned and no-one answered. In the end, the time when I received a letter posted in Mexico. There was no return address. I threw it into the fire so I would not pore over it, then spent stupid weeks trying to find significance in a book she had given me not long before: Wilde’s De profundis. So laugh, why don’t you? Why not? Beckett was right: Nothing is funnier than unhappiness. * * * What happened? Why did it end? I don’t know. Maybe I was too intense, perhaps I wanted a commitment for which Jane was not ready. Perhaps I smothered us, turning adventure into domesticity. Perhaps, maybe I was too compliant, too loyal.. M. there left only aunt Zoe with her husband (he drank too much to go home) who stayed for the whole night with us. Also there were 3 dad’s colleagues. They came pretty late at about 9 p.m. I knew only one of them – Vlad Kirsh – he was my father’s boss. He ran in for some minutes from time to time. It seemed like he was attracted to my mom’s butt as he never lost a chance to touch it. The left two were boss’s friends – Ryan and John. I think my dad didn’t know them well, so did I. At first they look decent. But when the guests left they turned into the excited and a bit aggressive.They moved the table aside together with my drunken father and uncle Pitt. Then while two of them were dancing with the ladies, the third one made a drunkard of the already almost sleeping relatives. I was told to go to bed near 11 p.m. My room was opposite the party place. So that I could clearly see what was happening there even being at my bed. That was like a porn TV channel. Hahaha…My dad got pretty.
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