The edges turned up slightly, bulging down and arcing up, water collected in the distended material, water balloons sighing with envy. She glances back at me, catching my gaze for a second. Something glistens in her eye slightly, from the rain probably; but maybe not. My breath catches slightly in my throat. Not the rain.The bench she leads me to is covered by the tent, but only barely. Wind shifts and rain blows in sideways and up and down and we sit there. Staring at each other. Saying little. She makes this expression. As hard to describe as she is. For what adjectives run together to make a person like her. It's sad, hangdog, heartbreaking. I have no idea why. Or what it means. Or what I should do. All I want to do is kiss her. Instead I smile at her, laugh, coward that I am.Her normal face is back. I mention that expression she had on. No explanation but it comes back, and I lurch inside. It's easier to not kiss her then admit everything that would come with leaning over and. Of course I’d date girls, I had to keep up the All American appearance. However, my lust had me eagerly back in that basement, or picking one of them up for a quick load in a parking lot. Behind buildings, in a park, anywhere I could quench my almost all consuming lust. It may sound seedy, but that was the reality at the time and believe me, I would get even more depraved in the years to come.College only brought more pressure, expectations and scrutiny. I had even resorted to late night visits to an adult book store. Yes, I was “that” guy, hat, dark glasses, sneaking into a video booth hoping to find cock sticking out through a glory hole. And it was very addictive. Being on my knees in a cum covered, dark booth, the only light being from the flickering video screen, the only sounds from other men orgasming, or maybe just the videos themselves. Anonymously pleasuring men and fulfilling my need to service cock, and their need to release. In a way not everyone may understand, I found.
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