I shake my tits around a little, giggling now, and I tell him to go home at lunchtime because I want to use his room in the afternoon. I don't bother telling him this, but I plan to give Dean TWO treats today. Cream on legs at my desk, which he knows already, and then later an even better one – a private smooch, just him and me, in Roger's room. It'll be a first since up to now, when I've granted Dean and Donny a smooch, it's been out in the office in full view of the others. That's great but this'll make a nice change. Donny will be put out, of course, because it will allow Dean to start lording it over him, whereas they've been equals up to now – my joint favourites. Thing is, I've decided Dean is definitely the most dishy and he's going to be my first favourite from now on. Donny will be second favourite (I'll still allow him smooches in the office, for example, which the other guys don't get) but Dean will be Main Man around the place. Dean will get more office smooches than. He could have stepped away from me and left me to my fate. I saw the bullet hit him, Ben. I heard the explosion and I saw it hit him. He jerked like a puppet and then just fell backward. There was so much blood. It was just pumping out of him every time his heart would beat. I did the only I could. I put my fingers inside his chest and tried to plug the hole. It was just too big."I nodded but had no words to share. I was kicking myself for not being faster over the railing. I had hesitated for only a second but if I had been quicker ... I also felt guilty that I didn't insist on a hearing in chambers. I could have and I'm sure the judge would have agreed. But I wanted Dez's family around him when he walked free. So instead of meeting them in the hallway afterward, his children got to watch him die in front of their eyes.The hospital staff rushed to us as soon as we walked in. I didn't understand what was happening until one tried to put me in a wheelchair. We were both soaked in.
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