I don't mean to try and make you think that the way you are is wrong or incomplete – far from it. I love who you are. I just need you to understand where my animal brain was.I think that this resentment coupled with my own guilt about what I'd been up to in New Orleans was why I provoked you when I was in LA, and why I was so short with you. None of that you deserved or expected – that was my own fucked up wiring being put on you. I'm sorry my love. I can't say that often enough.So there's the low level resentment, and then there's the other part that I've been advised is part of my personality make up. I don't honestly buy this on a conscious level, but I'm told it's there and explains part of what I did.Apparently I have some deep-rooted submission streak. Not a huge one – not anything that makes me need to wear any of those stupid clothes or run around and call any one master or get slapped around or anything like that. Just a need, at times, to have a man tell me what to do. To. ’ ‘We were blessed,’ Lord Crowe responded with false piety. ‘Well, I’m blessed with far more money than grain, trade has been good to us—you asked why I brought so many men, you shall have your answer. Hugh,’ the baron called back to his banner man, ‘bring up the chest.’ Lord Crowe summoned Simon to his side as a cart was wheeled beside the baron and a chest was exposed from beneath the coarse skins. ‘Bet you’ve not seen that much coin before,’ de Burgh commented as he leaned over and raised the lid. There had to be thousands of marks. ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Crowe countered, but he continued to stare before nodding. ‘We can deal.’ Simon looked at his liege, leaned in to speak, but Lord Crowe waved him off. ‘Standard half-man barrels for storage?’ A grunted confirmation. ‘I have two wagons like this,’ the baron of Penrith continued, making an offer, ‘eighteen marks per barrel for what those wagons can haul. How many spare barrels have you?’ ‘My lord,’ Simon whispered into Lord Crowe’s.
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