This won't be happening again" I assured her as I pointed to my face. "Do you have any aspirin or something over in your apartment Vicky? I asked her."I'll go check" she replied and rushed over to her apartment."So how did it go after I left Sunday morning?" I asked Mr. Waters."Well it was a bit frosty between the girls and their Mom, but they got it settled and my wife will be backing off a bit. The girls are old enough to be making their own decisions and their own plans without her butting in" he let me know. "Here's my card with my cell number and our home phone number if Vicky or you need us, ok?"I took his card and put it on the fridge just as Vicky returned. She went into full Mother mode as she told me to go lie on the bed and she would take care of me with a massage."Well that's my cue to head home" said her Dad, rising from his chair."Ok Daddy, thanks for driving me home" she said."Goodnight Mr. Waters" I said and shook his hand after I got out of my chair.Vicky walked him. Estes as they sat around the kitchen table smoking andgossiping. I felt his desire to join them at the table as their peer,dressed like them and smoking like them, and talking about all the thingsthat older women talk about.I saw myself on a date with Madison Bulloch, kissing her and thinkingabout how she was wasting her life by not taking up smoking. If I hadbeen a girl I would have started smoking in a heart beat, and some daywhen I was older, I'd be a woman like my mom, smoking and puffing, andlooking pretty and fucking.Oh God, help me. Make it stop...but it didn't stop.Although it had never happened, I saw myself standing in a roomsurrounded by everyone I knew. I was dressed in my mother's clothes andsmoking a cigarette for them all to see. The looks on their faces saidit all. They were disgusted and so was I.Why did I want to be a woman....an older woman, like my mom? Why was I sowilling to give away my life as a boy and my future as a man? Why was Iin such a hurry to.
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