I had dreamed of going to Tgirl parties and makeovers in other cities in Holland but the truth was that I just couldn’t find the courage to do so…”Well, maybe Irene should come over to London and spend some days at my place. I’m sure she’ll love it,” Gabrielle said.“You mean, stay at your place as a girl?” My knees suddenly became very wobbly.“Yes sure, why not. It will be fun. I’ll dress you up and we’ll go out with my friends.”My heart was racing, my mouth felt dry and I didn’t know what to say.“Let’s set a date now otherwise you’ll chicken out. Shall we say Thursday the 25th of August? There’s nice Goth party that Saturday. I’ll take you to it.”I nodded, still a bit stupefied. Her friends called that their taxi was leaving. Quickly she wrote her mail address on a flyer, kissed me on the lips and ran off. “See you in London, Irene!”In a state of shock, I went to my band mates to bring our gear to the van. The bass player said, “Are you ok? I saw you talking to that chick; did she. When I came through the front door, Amy was there facing me with a tear stained face and clenched fists. She lit into me and alternated between calling me an ass, crying uncontrollably, and reminding me of how stupid I had been and was. I had nothing to say in my defense, so I stood there and took the best she could dish out. I finally asked her why she had asked me over if this was what the whole evening would be like. And Amy said, "I never hated you for not loving me anymore but I hate myself for still loving you." What a gut shot. All I could do in response was tell her the truth from my heart, "I never stopped loving you either. I just lost my focus on what was important in life--and I'm sorry to say this--but I began to take you for granted. I am so sorry. Is your "still loving me" still true?"Amy thought about this for a moment and then walked slowly to me with her eyes on mine. Her eyes looked tired and certainly didn't have their old sparkle. But she did put her.
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