But if you get there too late then you've got no choice. It's first come first served most of the time."Eventually, just as the first rays of the sun appeared over the horizon, they came to the intimidating dark shadows of a large functional building, where only one or two windows were lit and where already there were a couple of dozen other women: all naked and all with very long hair and all standing around outside the building. And then Tracey and Buttercup stood with Zeta for about an hour as more and more women gathered. There was very little conversation amongst the women standing there, all of them tired and many of them yawning. Tracey shivered and clung to Buttercup for warmth, aware of the stares she was attracting. As wakefulness crept up on her, she became aware that this was because the two girls looked very different from the others, with the short hair on their vaginas: nearly none at all in Buttercup's case, and in Tracey's case with the hair on her head strikingly. So if that's the problem, the obvious solution is let myself open up. To get beyond the simple expedient of being 'the boyfriend' and allowing them to see the real me, which is terrifying to contemplate.Why was that such a scary thought? Fear of rejection? Well, I should be used to that by now. Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't really know the 'real' me. They were rejecting my version of 'the boyfriend'.I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always been a dead end, and if I ever wanted something like long-term happiness I'd have to be honest with them and myself. I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories describing BDSM relationships, and it resonated somewhere deep.
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