’ And then again, more insisting: ‘Excuse me!’It had taken him a moment to realize that it was the woman’s voice and that she was talking to him. He had looked up then, straight into her blue eyes and that’s when she had said: ‘You’re staring at my legs. Would you mind?’Other passengers had looked at him too, some of them sniggering. He had blushed and stammered an apology and in a matter of seconds a sweat had broken out on his forehead. It had been deeply embarrassing, the way he had gone from making fun of her in his mind to being humiliated by her in public. He had apologized and stared out the window, this time for real, and in Leeds he had got off the train. While he had waited for the next one he had a drink to calm his nerves and repeatedly told himself it was over now. To the people on the train he had been just another middle aged man in a raincoat. Perhaps some of them would tell their loved ones about the incident, probably have a good laugh about it too, but tomorrow not. Until I see him standing in a dark nook of the club, a point of stillness in a sea of undulating bodies, my experience of kisses and caresses is restricted to women. I’d never been drawn to join the heaps of sun-browned bodies and tangled limbs that pile up in the corners of our commune. Free love, to me, is the freedom to find female companionship. This is more radical than any number of lazy, hash pipe orgies. But he sees me see him, and when our eyes meet, it is as if the other dancers transform into animate obstacles; fingers fondling invisible harp strings, bare midriffs shining with sweat, hips swaying, hair sweeping. His face, cut into angular, stretching shadows, is architectural in its immobility. My friends, if I had been able or willing to shout to them above the jangling guitar and shivering tambourine, might tell me this pull was a symptom of cosmic connection, a link forged with the strength of soul and the flexibility of a drug-addled mind. They believe in such things..
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