I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll kick the shit out of all of you!’St. Peter was impressed, ‘When did this happen?’‘Couple of minutes ago.’These two are compliments of J & BGRANDMAA man moves into a nudist colony.He receives a letter from his Grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo. He’s really worried but then remembers how bad his Grandmother’s eyesight is, and hopes she won’t notice.A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his Grandmother, It says: “Thank you for the picture. Change your hairstyle ... It makes your nose look too. I swear I heard my own cunt, calling to me wetly, come play with me, come play with meeeeee... Finally the television downstairs went silent. I listened, tracking Mitch by his sounds, the footfalls up the stairs, the sound of water running in the bathroom. The bedroom door, the susurrus of bare feet on the carpet. And then the shift in the bedclothes and his weight settling behind me and the tender kiss on my shoulder. And still I waited. My back was to him and I opened my eyes in the dark, looking at the nightstand, my waiting phone, the headphones, knowing Dana waited at the other end. I listened as he shuffled and twisted, settled, and shuffled again. I ached to grab the phone, text her. He's taking forever! But I held still and waited, listening. Finally his breath slowed, became steady. I waited some more, making sure it wasn't just the light beginning of sleep, waiting for his deeper slumber. When I thought I could risk moving, I slipped my arm carefully to the nightstand,.
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