He could do that in the most surprising ways. She wondered if he had tilted her upside down and shaken all the hidden bits back into view. ALL of them. Goddamn him anyway.He made her do crazy stuff that she didn’t dare tell him. Like looking at herself in the mirror and touching herself, then bursting into joyous laughter. Or rolling herself into a ball on her bed, rocking back and forth with a grin she couldn’t wipe off her lips no matter how hard she tried. It was crazy and stupid and she hoped it would never end. She began to wonder if other people were trying to keep the same kind of secrets. She’d catch herself giving a co-worker the side eye and wondering if their panties were soaking wet, too. Or if that guy sitting at the desk was hiding a massive hard-on under the desktop. No, of course, they weren’t. They didn’t have Him.It took her two months or more to accept he was just what he presented himself to be. She just knew it had to be an act, some studied performance or. This is not about love. It is not that I don’t trust you, I’m afraid of failure. Failing Franciszka, failing you, failing my father, and failing me. I did it once, I can do it again. What if I don’t measure up again? What if I get bored and want more spice? What if? What if?’ and she started crying. I held her close and said not a word. This was not about logic, this was about history and commitment. I had no idea that what I was going to say was going to make a difference. But I learned to speak from my heart. Sometimes it got me in trouble, but I went for it. ‘Cathy, I was scared when I blurted out that we could have a future together, I was terrified when we started to work things out, I could have approached you much sooner to make love again, but I did not. Guess why? Our lives together in our marriage were an emotional disaster that should have both of us never having a close relationship again. But we are here, sometimes in spite of who we are, other times because of who we.
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