"Zach, please don't hate me? But the truth is that although I have alwaysgenetically been a girl, I did not know it until this summer. My motherkept the truth from me. You see, I had the genitals of a boy. Yes, thecock and balls. And I thought I was a boy. I used the boys locker room atschool. I hung out with the guys, got into fights, played pickupfootball, looked like a scruffy ruffian, only went by the name 'Butch',the whole nine yards. I let Sarah and the gang give me a makeover becauseof a clothing mixup, and then I don't know, it began to seem like adaring experiment or something; Liz helped me with a convincing disguise.But...when you first met me, even though I flirted with you...I thought Iwas a guy. It wasn't until after the rape when your dad put me backtogether that I actually physically became what my chromosomes had alwaysmeant for me to be."He still said nothing.I couldn't stand it."So, do you hate me now? I'll understand if you do, because I should havebeen more honest. "I like how that sounds. Feed your Joy."Janice gasped. "Oh, I said that wrong. I know she's my daughter, but I hope she's everyone's Joy as well." If she's half as cheerful as her mother, she will be," I said with a quiet smile. I had already climbed out of bed and was lifting Madoka from her crib. She had not slept the night through, but I had managed to wake quickly when she fussed during the night. This morning she clearly was a bit fussy until I offered her a breast and she started to suckle. I sighed in contentment."You sound so happy," Kitty said. I looked at her and her eyes were wide with awe and wonder."I am. I'm sure part is natural maternal instincts, but part is feeling your support and love. Somehow I feel safer here than I ever had felt before," I replied dreamily.Janice sighed a moment later and I looked up to see her feeding Joy with her own look of happy contentment. Kitty and Brittany watched and even helped with the duty of cleaning and changing the babies before.
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