Out of so many other people’s misery. Out of the misery of people I had yet to meet.Yet here I sit, on a river bank. Of a river I had grown up playing in. The Canisteo River. Of my childhood. A childhood I had thrown away.I remember happy times here. I remember long walks with Suzie. We were loners in our own little world. We’d walk and talk. Long long walks. Play games. Chase each other. Play fight with each other. It was happy times. Her smile, her green eyes, her long red hair. Tickling. Making each other scream with pleasure and delight. I remembered the time she slipped and fell in and we had to be dressed down by Frank. Then I got to be dressed down by my mother when I got home.I had a wonderful childhood here. But that was then. Now I am a mess, casting misery where ever I go.Not to say that there hadn’t been happiness.There had been times of happiness. The time with Jenny before she announced her pregnancy, for instance. Or all the time I spent with Cheryl and her- our-. It was Sunday and Jack and Emily silently resolved to spend the day clinging to one another, afraid that if they let go, the feeling would be lost. They had waited for this feeling for a long time. Jack was the first to speak. “This may be a silly question, but have we met before?” “Of course not,” she smiled. “I’ve never felt like this before. I feel like I know you so well. Can you prove to me that I’m not dreaming?” She kissed him. “I still don’t believe you,” Emily pinched him hard beneath the sheets and he jumped. “Okay, okay, I believe you.” xxx Jack had been waiting for Emily. Each night in the bars he had sung, “Stranded in St Louis, Baby’s down in New Orleans,” And this was not factually true. He had never left England. But it was soulfully true, and it hurt. He had always waited for Emily. On the trains home he had watched the green fields race by, and he had waited for her. When he was young and alone, he had waited for her. When he had sat on the steps alone.
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