*** who were to sleep in the big bed; that it would make them angry if I did. I am almost certain she named a lady and her husband who were going to stay with us, but can’t be sure. A man then frightened me more than a woman, my mother I dare say knew that.I dare say, for it was the same the greater part of my early life that I went to sleep directly I laid down, usually never waking till the morning. Certainly, I must have gone fast asleep that night; Perhaps I had a little wine given me who knows, I have a sudden consciousness of light, and hear someone say, “He is fast asleep, don’t make a noise”; it seemed like my mother’s voice. I rouse myself and listen, the circumstances are strange, the room strange, it excites me, and I rise on my knees, I don’t know whether naturally, or cautiously, or how; perhaps cautiously, because I fear angering my mother, and the gentleman; perhaps a sexual instinct makes me curious, though that is not probable. I have not in fact the slightest. The next night I returned home. I listened through the wall of my bedroom at my parents fucking. My mom has always been a screamer and hearing them has never been a problem. “Fuck my bad ass, Slap my pussy” she screamed. I used to lay in my bed and plug my ears, turn up music anything to block it out. But that night I laid there at first I got horny then jealous. My Grand Mother, My Mother but not me..why? Oh yeah he was/is my father fine, why did they force me to be slim and fit why does my mother buy me the best fitting jeans and shirts that show off my cleavage ? I am prime for picking but for some reason not good enough ??? The next day started with my going for a mani and a pedi. I had my long nails Gelled (it makes them shine and impossible to chip) Then I got myself a tan. On Wednesday my mother goes to a quilting circle (no really) at 8 pm she usually calls to see if Dad wants anything on the way home. I was ready. Well, not really Ready.. my heart was pounding so hard I.
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