The same shame and the same pain. These words are words that I knew were in his heart. We both have terrible drunken bastards for fathers. For that we have paid to no end. For you Michael, I feel some small relief. Your suffering is over. I know as you do that there is no honor or strength in being vengeful. But still yet the lust for vengeance is a human desire. We are all human. And I know from your warm place in forever tranquillity you would forgive me. I don’t know what else to say. I love you boy. I miss you so much. This is fiction. The feelings are very, very real. * ‘old man…..’ The man stirred in his bed. As the young man stood in the cold hospital room he could sense the sterility in the air. It was so uncommon to see the old man in such a clean environment. He somehow stood out in stark contrast from everything in the room as he lie in the cold mechanical hospital bed. Somewhere in the room a pump whispered and hissed. The iv bag hanging at his bedside dripped. I rub my eyes, still giggling and trying to catch my breath. Then I see the look on his face. He’s almost blushing. And his eyebrows are pressed together, a clear look of concern strewn across his face. He looks embarrassed. I look up at him, confused. He glances at me then looks quickly away. I turn my head, very confused now. Babe, what’s wrong? I ask him. He takes a few seconds, thinking of what to say. He then smiles at me and shakes his head. Nothing, he tells me. Then he lays down on his side with his arms open, looking at me. I smile and curl up against him, his arm as my pillow and the other arm resting over my ribs with his hand tucked under my side. There’s an odd distance between us, so I scoot closer and press my body to his. He’s always very warm and I smile at the warmth I feel now throughout my body. He quickly separates himself from me, replacing the distance. I frown and look up at him. Babe? I ask, You sure that you’re okay? He takes a deep breath, his eyes closed.
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