Benzos, narcotics, weed, sometimes coke, it all helped to deal with the emotional turmoil I was in. I just needed Him to make it all better. I would rather feel His wrath than the emotional pain I was in. Time became a blur. I created other user names to go online to see if He was on the regular site where I had found this perfect Master. Green light was on... He had moved on. My heart sank. Time to throw some pills down the hatch.The phone was ringing. I thought. I couldn't be sure since everything was still blurred from my despair. I picked up the phone and there was no dial tone! "Hello?" "Hello??".... my knuckles white from gripping the phone."You do realize once you consent, it is no longer consensual?" Yes, Sir." I turned my eyes towards the floor, even though He couldn't see me, I needed to give him the respect he demanded."Turn yourself in by midnight tonight. Make any and all arrangements and say your good-byes."Click.I knew what I had to do. I had no ties to family. I had. He didn't remember if she was pleased, back then. Last year she said he had been stupid. What if he found another woman and wanted children with her? He laughed.He thought she was joking.As he hiked through sand and tall grasses, John found out that he didn't recollect a lot of the more recent memories. They all seemed to have submerged in a grayish soup. But as he walked there, the high wind cleared his brain.Maybe there is a kind of love that isn't healthy, he thought. The kind that eats away at your self-esteem. The kind that prevents you from seeing how your lover's love is seeping away And the kind that makes you forget how you've started discarding your self.He sat down on a fallen tree, overlooking a valley. There he saw something else he'd forgotten. He saw how green trees are in May. How blue a clean-washed sky can be - how sparkling a meandering stream.His eyes almost smarted from the overload of restored impressions. As did his brain from the influx of long forgotten.
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