There was noChristmas this year. The same day as my mother died father and I went toChristmas Eve mass to Lutheran church what was the only thing alluding tous it was Christmas. It was a festive mass and I calmed down a little butthen I heard a "Silent night"... (I always cry when I hear "Silentnight", "Nearer my God to Thee" or "Amazing Grace" as some other peopledo) Tears started to flow and I couldn't stop them. I just tried not toweep aloud. A man wasn't expected to cry and I tried to keep my tears atleast till we came home where I could hide in my room. I cried a lotthese days and during burial I'd dropped not a single tear standing allthe time by side of my father. There were we - the Grabowski family - thefather and the son. After my mother's gone there was no trace offemininity left in our family.The only thing showing us we still were a family was a dinner time everyevening. What a family? It couldn't be a family. An officer and a freak!We were just sitting in the kitchen. Main to apne chacha ki aur apne premi ki asli heroine hun. Khair, main apni sundarta ka varnan jyada naa karke asli kahani par aati hun. Ramesh ke aane me abhi waqt tha to main time pass karne ke liye apne ghar ki chhat par aa gai. Chhat ka ek bhaag chhappar bana kar cover kiya hua tha taki barsat aur dhoop se bach kar wahan baitha jaa sake. Main ek kursi par baith gai aur maine idhar udhar dekha. Hamara ghar aas paas ke saare gharon se uncha hai aur hamari chhat se ham door tak dekh sakte the. Achanak meri nazar pados ke ghar ki taraf gai. Wo ek doctor ka ghar tha. Apni patni ke gujar jaane ke baad doctor wahan akela rahta tha. Uska ladka videsh me padhta tha. Doctor ki umar us samay kareeb 50/52 ki hogi. Wo 2 baje tak apni clinic me baithta tha jo ki uske ghar ke aage ke hisse me thi. Ek sundar aur jawan aurat din me wahan aati thi jo ki doctor ke liye khana banati thi, ghar ke dusre kaam bhi karti thi. Main hamesha sochti thi ki wo aurat kewal doctor ka ghar hi nahi sambhaalti thi.
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