"I slide the chair back to the table and try again. I'm getting soemotional that I'm starting to tear up. I can't do it. I can't reachthe glasses. I'm going to fail and she's going to beat me some morebecause of it. I feel overwhelmed."Sissy Chrissie what's the matter baby? Why are you crying?" I ... I can't do this. I can't reach the glasses." I burst intotears. "You're going to be mad at me because I can't reach theglasses." I start hyperventilating. "I don't want to disappoint youand that's all I do!" Heaving, breathless sobbing. "I'm not doinggood. I'm failing you! I'm sorry honey." Uncontrollable sobbing."Chrissie? Chrissie look at me. Look at me Chrissie." Sara commands.She takes my chin in her hands and lifts my head making me face her."You Chrissie, are a sissy. Don't look down, look at me. You are asissy, but that isn't a bad thing as long as you accept it. The worldruns on all kinds of different people. Sissy isn't just a word, it'san honest to goodness type of person. You,. ?Better?? I nodded. He grinned, settled his arm around my shoulders as easily as ifhe?d been doing it for years. ?I?m Brant Tor, you?re Sai a?LaiJann. Walk withme?? We were already walking, but I nodded anyway. That was how itbegan. The next day, Brant asked my father for my hand in marriage. Itwas refused. By the end of the week, we were married and I was heading backhome with Brant, back to Killian. ~ I was supposed to be part of the Troika when I was 21, get a wifearound 25, and have two children. I was supposed to be a wise and respectedleader, a vital part of the community. Instead, I got a husband at 16, and a Killian man at that. And gave birth to a girl a few days before my 17thbirthday. I?m 21 now, and heavy with my seventhchild. Considering I?d only ever dated girls, three in total, myattraction to another man came as a total surprise. And I was the submissive,or sima as the Killians call the submissive spouse. I was confident, educated,taught to rule, one of the most.
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