The way her mind fell and swooped she might not have noticed if the house had caught fire. The hell of it is, she thought, I know I'm not crazy. I KNOW this is real. I've met the Devil and talked to God and still I know I'm not crazy. I kind of wish I was. She whimpered a little then wiped away her tears. "I-I-I'm a girl," she said out loud. Her voice startled her again. It sounded so wrong. Higher pitched and even the cadence, the music was wrong. She tossed her head to get her hair out of her eyes, a very feminine gesture that she was immediately aware of."Whattamyegonnado-oo-oo?" she suddenly wailed and burst into tears again. Great wrenching sobs that made her chest heave so that every bounce and jiggle of her breasts communicated once again that she was now a girl. Would God or the Devil ever change her back? Would she be stuck like this for the rest of her life? "Please, please, please change me back," she sobbed to Anybody who might be listening.Why can't I believe. Pubertystill has not gotten a very good hold on me as my voice is high andwhat body hair I have is sparse to none existent. I eat my fill but Istill cannot put on any weight. . I guess I should digress a bit and say that the worst day of my lifewas in 1950 when my Mother died. If she hadn't become so ill thenwhat happened in 1955 would never have occurred. I loved her dearlyand some would say that I was pretty much a momma's boy. Dad oftensaid that I was overprotected and sheltered too much by her but heloved her too. In retrospect I guess that helped in getting me in thefix I am today. I'll try to explain everything as it happened as mypsychiatrist said writing it out would be cathartic. oooooAfter my Mother passed away it was pretty hard on both of us. Dadplunged into work and I saw him less and less. The ample insurancesettlement paid for the housekeeper Dad hired to take care of thehouse and look after me. She took over my upbringing until 1952.
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