. What’s the problem?”Customer: “I’m in the Outback with the girlfriend and she’s been stung on her thigh by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!”Australian Telephone Operator: “Bummer!”Customer: “Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.”These are compliments of Gary H.Disturbing Beer News.Yesterday, University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:1) Gained weight.2) Talked excessively without making sense.3) Became overly emotional.4) Couldn’t drive.5) Failed to think rationally.6) Argued over nothing.7) Had to sit down while urinating.8) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.No. Unsettled by the feelings she said quietly, ‘Please, Mr. Andrews, I’m a married woman, you shouldn’t say such things.’ ‘Even if they’re true?’ he responded, stepping even closer to her. Victoria’s breath caught in her throat and she didn’t quite know what to say. No man had ever spoken to her like this or made her feel this way before. She stared into his eyes, momentarily lost in the warm green depths. Tearing her eyes from his, she turned back to the painting she had been admiring. Clearing her throat, she said in an unsteady voice, ‘You have some wonderful paintings. Where did you acquire them?’ He took so long to respond, she thought that perhaps he had left. When he finally did speak he had resumed his normal tone and answered, ‘I’ve been collecting them for a number of years. They’re all American artists.’ Looking closer at a landscape, she murmured, ‘Some of them are most interesting.’ ‘This one is by Asher B. Durand. The incredibly large trees and the realism of his paintings.
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