I just graduated high school last month. My Junior year following the August incident in the clearing (Origins) was spent in fear and self-loathing. I went back to school that year in fear of hearing the rumors. Wondering when the shoe was gonna fall. I had nightmares of coming to school and finding those still frames from Corey’s camera phone plastered along the hallways. My cum-drenched face, body bent over on my hands and knees, taking it up the ass. I was so racked with fear I cut my hair, dyed it black, and started wearing colored contacts. Anything to hide my identity. My friends shunned me, my parents sent me to a shrink, and I just started pulling in my antenna. Disconnect. I could not tell anyone what had happened. If I did the shit-storm would start, and I would not be able to handle it. I took every step preparing for that day when “boom” everyone would find out. I staggered through that entire junior year waiting. The summer came and I feared the memories. ”“Then of course YOU believe that everything you do is for your own pleasure and CAN’T be about the other person. You pretty much told me that.”I nodded, “I did say that, and I haven’t talked myself out of believing that.”“Then it makes sense that it’s bothering you because you don’t believe you can selflessly give yourself to others. There’s always something in it for you, so to speak. And that bothers you. Perhaps your dismissal of altruism was too hasty.”“Before I tell you what Bethany said, would you answer the question?”“No, I don’t feel like you are using me,” she said. “But, there is something we need to talk about. You first, though.”“What Bethany said is that I have very specific needs, related to my failed relationship with my mother, and that I try to please the women around me to prove that I can make them happy. So, in a sense, I’m using them to fill a need. But she made a point to say that they don’t feel used.”“I certainly don’t feel used. You care about me. You’ve.
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