Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.*P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.*P: Something loose in cockpitS: Something tightened in cockpit*P: Dead bugs on windshield.S: Live bugs on back-order.*P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.*P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.S: Evidence removed.*P: DME volume unbelievably loud.S: DME volume set to more believable level.*P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.S: That’s what friction locks are for.*P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.S: IFF always. "Hand job, blow job, back rub, shoulder massage, fondling and stroking you absolutely anywhere on your entire body you want me to put my fingers or my tongue, intercourse, tea bagging, you name it," Valerie giggled. "I'm your handy-dandy tension reliever, happy and willing to serve." She gave him a terrible impression of a military salute, then fell against his chest, giggling."What the heck is, tea bagging,'" he asked after they'd both stopped laughing.She propped herself back up to look at his ace. "Uh-oh. Have I said something that makes you think I'm some kind of a freak?" Valerie said, half afraid she was right."No. Not at all. I'm an adventurous guy, remember? But I've never heard of tea bagging.'" Oh, this is going to be fun," Valerie said, scooting around to face the headboard and lying back. "Come straddle my face, Connor, and do what I tell you."(And she took note that he was happy to take orders from her regarding sexual play.)Valerie was almost shaking in excitement. Their.
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