” She pulled my face down to her and kissed me with both passion and compassion. And she held me and wept with me.“I’ve been so afraid everyone would think I was a perverted old man,” I whispered. “I thought so for a long while. I still have moments when I think, ‘If they knew the truth, they would run from me.’ I’ve constantly been afraid I would slip. Have on many occasions. The history of my reality is different than this one. So many things are the same that tiny differences trip me up.”“You need to tell Rachel. No one else needs to know but Rachel and I do.”“I suppose. Why?”“Because if everyone else left the pod tomorrow, Rachel and I would still be with you.”After a few more kisses and wiping our eyes, we got back on the road to Chicago.“Was there a version of each of us in your world?” she asked as we chatted. I’d mentioned knowing Rachel in 1952. I think it would have been easier on Beca if she thought I died in 2084 and came back in time than it was knowing I’d been born in. She can't make me so miserable all the time.Some days I wish shed leave but I do love her. Her February 28 th How he sobbed today when I had my bags packed. He explained that he was angrythat I didn't trust him. He told me he was meeting her to tell her it was over.He was right you know I do read too much into things. He says he has a job down the scrap yard. Starts on Monday, I hope thingsimprove for us now. Him I knew when I woke up I was so wrong for acting that way last night. I beggedher to stay with me told her wed work it out. I lied though I told her I hada job, If I hadn't though she would never have stayed. Her March 16 th Two weeks he's supposed to have been working, he never tells me anything.I saw two red bills today I daren't open them though he'd go mad. Maybe he'sjust a little behind not working for a while. I still can't talk to him butthings seemed to have settled down. Him Slowly I feel like I'm sinking, loosing all control. I can't keep the liesup any.
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