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He obviously hadn't been brought in to negotiate a peaceful ending. My plan was to end it with diplomatic pressure, he had obviously been installed for the kill shot.I believed that to be true, even if it was me and Simon, who were the ones who were likely to get killed in Adair's eyes. Most likely he didn't even know who I was. He just knew that I was not part of his team. It wouldn't have mattered who they sent, since I wasn't part of anyone's team.By the time that the sun went down and dead dark descended, I had shot and most likely killed five men. It wasn't a sense of accomplishment which I felt. It was more a sense that I was chipping away at the mess I found myself trapped inside. If we chipped enough pieces away it would at least crack, if not shatter completely.In a few moments, for the first time, I was going to be completely on the offense. I was looking forward to it. It was very hard to win playing defense, even though we did have a shot at winning with the newsies. But the customers ? that was unexpected. The attack had madethe news, of course, and some of them knew it was me, and they weresympathetic too. But now I was super-sensitive about the stares Iregularly got from some of the men ? I could almost feel their eyesdrilling into my cleavage, and my ass, and my legs. Sure, they did allthat before, but now I felt afraid that any one of them could attack meas soon as I left to go home. So for the first time I found myselfavoiding eye contact with male customers, and I began traveling home bytaxi after every shift. That?s when I knew my fears were affecting mywork, and the way I interacted with people. The effects were showing upin my tip earnings, too.On a break one evening I confided all my concerns to Chelsea, andhappily she had some of her homespun wisdom to share with me.?Oh Sandy, y?all are reacting like any girl would if that happened toher. It must have so awful for you ? I can barely imagine what y?allwent through. But y?know honey,.
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