"Robbie, would you make a commitment for me?" What sort of commitment?" Would you agree to take care of things, look after them, neaten up alittle? I really need to see that I won't be the next thing you neglect."I took a deep breath. "I do not say this lightly; I love you. Ourrelationship means a lot to me. I know the place is a mess, and it saysbad things about me, I realize that. It would be different with you, Iwould never neglect you." So you'll make this commitment, for me?"I sighed. "I have been living like this since high school. I did try tochange once or twice; I failed. Maybe old habits die hard." Is that all you can say to me?" I want to say more, but I'm not good at lying. I don't know if I canchange. I want to. I love you. But I just don't know." I'm not good at lying either. I can't live like this. It's your mess, orme."I looked at her forlornly. I deserved this, it was my fate.She nodded her head, stood up, kissed me on the forehead, and walked out.I grabbed her piece. Her dependence was more psychological than physical. Growing up we smoked because cigarettes were cheap and smoking was the socially acceptable thing to do. Even expected. A real ice-breaker when making or greeting friends. ‘How are you Bob? I’d like you to meet Rachel. Like a cigarette? What you been up to? Have another cigarette. Don’t mind if I do. Thanks.’ I never could give up the weed either. Not permanently. Cancer? Yeah, well, bring it on. Got nothing to live for anyway. No great loss. Since when did a person dying ever mean anything in the greater scheme of things? Unless you were some big wig or something. And even then the world just keeps turning, spinning along on its merry way. Never mind the daily misery of millions and millions. Thanks again, God. Nice work. Oh God, help me. If you do I won’t drink anymore. Peg? Can you hear me? Someone! What am I gonna do? It’s early, but there’s a bottle of Jack Daniels at home. Fuck it, that’s one way to cure another hangover. I.
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