I told them that would not be necessary. I sat down on the couch and asked Melinda if she would kindly fix me a drink. Then I turned to Dee and spoke to her for the first time in the whole evening. ‘So, I guess this is goodbye then’ She looked at me and for the first time a tear appeared in her eyes. ‘I am so sorry..’ I broke her in the middle and started speaking ‘it was never meant to happen. It just happened and I did not know how to stop. Swear to god I never meant to hurt you. I love you and this was nothing but a physical thing that meant nothing. I have no feelings for Chris. I need you. Can we find some way to work this out?’ She could not believe what she was seeing. I was being hurtful and rash, something that she would never expect me to be. I was the sissy, the cuck. I said, ‘if this is not what you were going to say. Please complete what you started, but if this is what you were going to say, I have said it and it means nothing to me.’ She just sat there sobbing.. "Tell me. Maybe it won't hurt so much if you talk about it."Won't hurt so much? How could it not hurt, she thought. It'll never change, it'll just go on hurting forever. The only thing I can do is try to forget about it. She looked around her, saw the dingy bar, the few customers doing their best to forget everything too, knew that as long as she worked for Jay, as long as she had to spend her nights in places like this, she could never forget. Maybe he's right, she thought. Maybe I should go ahead and talk about it. She continued talking, telling him about Tom and how he had deserted her, about the abortion, about her first meeting with Jay Snyder. The warmth of Tim's hand urged her to continue, to tell everything. Never in her life had she shared her troubles, her deepest feelings, with another human being.Tim listened with all his heart, never taking his eyes from Judy. Here, he thought, was someone just like him, with the same problems. Her background may have been different from.
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