You know you can always tell me about it, right? Yeah, I know, Carl. But, theres nothing going on that you have to worry about. At school youre like a zombie and out of it youre a hermit in your room. How can I not be worried? Well, I just need my space sometimes, okay? I just&hellip,need my privacy. And so went every conversation we had about the matter. Jim asked me to understand. I really wanted to say then that its hard to understand something you dont know, but I just agreed with him. I was losing my head, why wouldnt I when Im seeing the boy Im falling in love with biting back tears because of some problem I dont even know? Ive never felt so helpless and useless in my life, and it was frustrating. It was painful. >,>,>,>,>,>,>,>, Abe, Im lost. Care to elaborate, little brother? I talked to my older brother, Abe, about my little predicament. I didnt even hesitate to tell him that I liked Johnson a bit too much than is friendly. Big bro Abe was chill with it. When we were engaged in sexual repartee I would occasionally sneak ina bondage reference to see if anyone expressed interest or curiosity, but nobodydid; and I certainly didn't pursue it. Though I was alone I had a good, supportivecommunity, and I certainly didn't want to do anything to jeopardize it. Instead, I would walk into my woods alone, find a thick tree, lean backagainst it and reach behind it, grasping each wrist with the other hand. Iwould imagine I was a bound captive. It was not quite enough for me, but itwas better than nothing. Occasionally, when I felt very horny and very safe,I would strip naked and clutch a tree facing inward. My penis would erect andI would rub it against the rough bark until I ejaculated. Then instantly Iwould feel humiliated and ashamed. Coming often immediately broke the eroticaura hanging over me. I would quickly pull on my clothes, march out of thewoods to the farmhouse, go to my room, a vast cold room in the attic that oncewas used for.
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