’ ‘You don’t need to be.’ She stood up. ‘Have another cigarette and come back when you’re ready, OK?’ She leaned down to look closely into my eyes and I nodded again. ‘Silly cow.’ I smiled a wan smile to myself as she walked away. I had never had a lover since University. I had always hoped, always half expected that Jess would claim me. I knew at the same time that she never would but nobody came close, nobody else mattered in that way. Oh, of course I had had people to share my bed, to fuck, but that’s all it was. They always disappointed, always fell short. Only Jess would do. I smoked another cigarette then, feeling extremely silly and embarrassed walked slowly back towards the hotel. Tippi was standing on the path, the sun behind her and through the soft white cotton of her long skirt her legs were shadows. I couldn’t see her face. ‘I feel such a twat.’ She slipped her arm through mine and we walked like that towards the house. ‘We all knew how you feel about her. We always. “Uh, what?”“Cum-on-a-cookie?” Brody asked. “What’s that?”“It’s a game,” Travis said. “You basically do a circle jerk, with a cookie in the middle, and everybody busts their nut on the cookie. The last guy to get off has to eat the cookie.”Brody looked like he’d been slapped in the face. “The fuck?” he asked. “What the hell kind of game is that?”“Fuck you. It’s a thing.”“That’s fucking gay,” Brody said.“Oh please. Don’t tell me you’ve never beat off before—”“Not in front of other guys,” Brody said. “That’s weird. And it’s not even fair—”“I told you: you’re going to do what we tell you.”“Seriously,” Brody said. He pointed to Ryan and Marcos. “Those guys have an unfair advantage. They’re used to this kind of shit. And they fucking like it—”“Fuck you,” Ryan snapped. “You don’t know what we like—”“You like dick. Are you trying to deny it?”“Okay, shut up, both of you,” Travis said. “You don’t get to decide this shit. Do you want to be Kap Eps or not?”The room went.
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