Who else would see the skin youyearned to shed, would recognize, way down inside, who needed to befreed?"Her hand lay just above my bra, I felt her fingers glide lower, followedwith my eyes. In the pure, cool light of morning, I saw the silk drapingmy body, surprised to think how long I'd worn that silk and lace, to thinkhow I had stepped out into the night, what I had wrapped myself into,disguise that wasn't a disguise at all, not any more. I looked down atmyself, thought of what I had done, the rules I'd crumbled into dust,oblivious, uncaring. And felt shaken now, remembering."I guess," I nodded at the bedroom door. "You'll tell me that it takes afriend ..." You followed me so far, already. I thought you'd like to follow me there.No. There's not many friends who would do that for you. But I'm the friendyou knows you for what you are." For what I am?" I felt my voice begin to rise. "And you know that? Youknow it so much better than I do?"She smiled."Maybe I do," she said. "I know. ’ ‘None of us have been through what you’ve been through,’ he said, ‘we can’t imagine what it must have been like waiting to die.’ ‘No,’ she said. Inside, she was remembering what had happened, though. When the four of them had been taken away to the guardhouse, Lydia had felt deep inside herself that she would not be dying any time soon. No, she had never really been waiting to die after she’d been taken to the guardhouse. Or if she had, she had not thought of it that way. She couldn’t tell Anthony that, though. The guilt within her was so strong, but she could not tell him. It would be like confessing to treachery. ‘And when that guard raped you…’ Anthony was finding it hard to talk about – that was clear. ‘…We can’t know how horrible…’ But he didn’t rape me, she wanted to say but couldn’t. I wanted him to touch me, I wanted him to take me. That was the worst thing. That was what taunted her soul. 4 Flavia and the twins were taken to another part of the guardhouse by those six.
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